OPEN SEASON ON POLITICIANS

Like most people, I’ll be happy when these elections are over. The politicians are in rut and running wild across the landscape in search of their one & only desire; your vote. It seems locally there are more people running for office than ever. The population of politicians may be getting larger than our environment can support. This is why I am advocating that in the future we remove the responsibilities of the election process from the Secretary Of State’s Office & put them in the hands of an office that knows how to deal with such matters; the Mississippi Department of Wildlife, Fisheries and Parks.
Let’s look at the facts. If there is any department of state government that has been efficient and done an excellent job over the years, it has got to be the MDWFP. If they could run elections half as well as they manage the hunting and fishing seasons here in Mississippi, the whole process would be much more bearable to the general population. In fact they could structure many of the regulations just like the ones they already have in place:
Seasons: Season opens six weeks prior to the date of the primary and closes one half hour after sunset the day prior to the primary. Season opens again two weeks prior to final election as most voters will have already chosen their candidate & excessive political activity is simply annoying to the voting public and may cause depletion of their population. Politicking out of season is considered a felony and the offender is subject to a fine of $2000 or one year imprisonment.
Voting License: A voting license may be issued to any resident over the age of 18 who has not been convicted of a felony and who knows the name of at least one candidate for each office for which they intend to vote. Those who do not know such information must attend a Voter’s Education Course. No license will be issued to non-residents.
Voting Hours: Voting may begin one half hour prior to sunrise and must conclude one half hour after sunset.
Bag Limits: Voters are only allowed one vote per office per season. Votes may be cast for either sex. Voters who exceed these limits are subject to fines & imprisonment.
Decoys & Bait: The use of decoys in the form of religion, children’s welfare, and tax cuts are legal but are discouraged unless the politician has no other manner in which to obtain votes. Bait in the form of bribes, driveway gravel, changes in zoning restrictions or free rides to the polls are illegal.
Politicking from Roadways, Vehicles and Boats: Is allowed with certain restrictions. Political signs on roadways must not obscure intersections or the signs of other candidates. Signs for individual candidates must be removed from the roadside within one week of the election. Signs remaining after this period will be collected by county or city employees, shredded into confetti and strewn about the candidate’s yard after midnight on the 10th day after the election. Politicking is allowed from cars, vans, buses, boats, planes and horse drawn vehicles during daylight hours but the vehicle must be in motion.
Vote Scavenging: Scavenging votes from old voter rolls, old folk’s homes and cemeteries is illegal unless a list of such voters is also provided to opposing candidates so as not to place such voters at risk of violating previously stated bag limits.
I think by turning this all over to MDWFP, we could eliminate a lot of the headaches and costs of the election process here in Mississippi. There’s just one problem. We’d probably have to vote on it.